Saturday
Went in for open mat. Came in a bit late. Some of the kids from the BF No-Gi came in for a bit of extra practice for the tourney this coming Saturday. Warmed up with a bit of light rolling with the BF, then he asked if he could roll his students. I sat around for a bit and chit chatted and observed the going ons. The kids class was about to start so about a half dozen + of us decided to go downstairs to continue rolling. I got to roll with another newish Blue. He has been one of my favorites to roll with but he hasn't been around too much lately, or we just come in on different days :(
I had a lot of fun for this roll. Nothing special, it was just a fun time. Then I got to rolling with my BF's favorite Blue. Gahhhhhh. With him, I always give up before I even start. REALLY really bad habit. It is like 'resistance is futile', so I just go blank...I don't even do the things I KNOW I should be doing, then I end up getting an earful from this Blue and my BF--->a helpful, encouraging earful---> I always know when its coming, kinda funny, I really appreciate it because I know they just want to help :)
Sunday
Went in for a no-Gi open mat. We were really late and most people were leaving just as we started warming up. BF decided to make me work on open guard passes. With all the time we work one on one, you would think that I would freakin get it by now...get SOMETHING. For such a simple concept as ***Control the legs, pass the legs, get them out of the way***It is really hard. I dunno if he just has a super solid open guard or I just can't balance my body and wrap my head around it. I was having fun, but the fun quickly turned to frustration (anyone who knows me, knows that I am REALLY hard on myself) But the frustration was getting so close to tears. I was starting to feel like a whiny little cry baby. The last thing I want to be seen as, is that winy, weak, cry baby kid... especially around other people---->That Sunday, I was. I left feeling angry. Angry that I couldn't get it by now and angry that I was letting myself get emotional about something so stupid.
Monday
I am sick, crusty nose sick. No lifting and no BJJ for me.
ha! I can relate. I have been a poor sport more than once in the past, as I let my frustration get to me.
ReplyDeleteOne of my biggest challenges in BJJ is learning to deal with this frustration -- to not get down on myself, and accept that for things to be effective, it's simply going to take lots and lots of work. I feel that I am getting much better at avoiding those episodes, now that I have accepted that it's not me being shitty at learning; it's just BJJ.
I do believe it was on Hillary William's blog where I read her coach's words, "BJJ is simple, but it sure ain't easy." Or something like that. And it's sooo true. How many times do we have to be told one small thing like shrimp, keep your hips low, frame, watch your angles, deep grip, etc, etc..? Way too many times, that's how many! hahah
The feelings of frustration still come up occasionally for me. I don't think they will ever go away. BJJ is an emotional sport that we tend to invest in heavily, and I am very much in touch with my emotions! So I have accepted that as well; tears and sadness will happen some times. (Typically those times when I am tired and grumpy! haha)
You needn't get down on yourself for feeling emotional. I'm sure no one is judging or would judge you as a whiny, weak cry baby. It sounds like you're doing what I do all too often...being your own worst enemy!
Thanks for the words of encouragement Ashley!
ReplyDeleteI'm really trying to work on being more positive with myself. *sighhh* Work in progress! ;)